


If It Were Easy

by WalkingDictionary (Scared_Beings_in_the_Dark)



Category: The New Normal
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings (?), Self Loathing, Spoilers for Series, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:40:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8972401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scared_Beings_in_the_Dark/pseuds/WalkingDictionary
Summary: Bryan has always been a little sensitive to his appearance. When he thinks he’s gained a bit of weight, all heck breaks loose in the Collins-Sawyer household. Meanwhile, David learns some things are best not kept secret. Shania and Goldie are swept along for the ride, too.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Rating, warnings, and spoilers are chapter-based. Pay close attention.
> 
> (Original warning)
> 
> BUT
> 
> I have this story marked as explicit all the way through. There's maybe one or two scenes that warrant it. Better safe than sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing related to The New Normal. If you haven’t seen the show, this story is not for you.  
> A/N: This is one of those stories that probably shouldn’t have ever been written but was. Hopefully someone enjoys it even a little. It’s pretty bad. Just saying.
> 
> Warnings? Some—dubious consent being the biggest. I’d rate it high T, low M. We’ll go M to be safe. Also, I have no medical knowledge, so if something is terribly wrong, please let me know. Research only goes so far without contacting professionals.
> 
> I wrote this mostly after watching most of the episodes, but edited it long after (read three years…?) so in character-ness is lacking—to me, at least.  
> As always, read and review with anything that absolutely bothers you.
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> ifihadashoe
> 
> (Original disclaimer and author’s note that appeared on post)

~ * ~

  
The mirror was lying, Bryan knew. He glared at it a bit, slapping at his cheeks and sucking in his gut. Oh god! He had a gut!  
  
He was fat!  
  
 Well, no more. Starting tonight, there would be strict dietary limitations in this household.  
  
David, sitting on the bed, book settled in his lap, glasses falling off his nose, glanced at Bryan when he jumped on the bed. “Hey, Bry,” he smiled. “what are you thinking about?”  
  
“Am I fat?” He leaned over, studying David’s eyes as his fiancé blinked.  
  
“No?” David said, voice hitching into a question, and Bryan knew he was lying like the mirror.  
  
“That means I am,” he sighed. “Well, not after today. We’re going to have to get rid of all the fattening foods in the house.”  
  
“Okay,” David said, shoving his glasses back onto his face and lifting his book, “but you really aren’t fat.”  
  
“Whatever, babe,” Bryan rolled onto his side. He would remember to be mad at David after a good sleep.

~ * ~

  
The morning light woke him, and Bryan remembered to be slightly angry as he realized David wasn’t still in bed with him.  
  
“Hey, sleepyhead,” David called from the bathroom. He’d shaved and showered and was currently tying his necktie without the aid of a mirror. The horror. How David could even consider leaving without first checking to make certain his appearance was perfect was beyond Bryan, but it was still nice to kiss his lips and smell his aftershave before he left the room.  
  
Slowly, he pulled himself off the bed and stumbled into the bathroom, maybe pretending to be more tired than he really was. A nice hot shower worked wonders, and he was actually feeling perky when he went down to the kitchen where David was toasting bagels.  
  
“Hungry?” he asked, angling his head so Bryan could kiss him as he snatched a few pieces of bagel. David always cut them into “trivial pursuit” wedges, no matter if they were eaten with a spread or plain. It was endearing.  
  
“Famished,” Bryan replied, already chewing. And then he saw his reflection in the toaster. His face bulged, cheeks chipmunk-y and chin definitely doubled. David’s face next to his looked rail-thin by comparison.  
  
“Well, we know who you love,” he said angrily, throwing the rest of the bagel away as David shot him a confused glance.  
  
“I love you,” he said, the same confusion creeping into his voice. “If you don’t want bagels, maybe fruit or cereal?”  
  
“What kind of both?”  
  
“Strawberries and corn flakes.”  
  
Ugh, Bryan disliked both, but if the bagels were going straight to his face, then bland food it was. He smiled as David measured him half a bowl of cereal, a splash of milk, and twelve strawberry slices arranged in a heart.  
  
“Oh, I heart you too,” he said, trying to hide a grimace as he took his first bite.  
  
“What made you change your mind about…?” David swept his hand over the counter where he was tucking the rest of the bagels back into their wrapper. “You love how I make bagels.”  
  
“Well, yes, I do, but my body doesn’t.”  
  
“Are you unable to eat wheat?” David’s face morphed into his worried-doctor mask. “Oh, god. I’m sorry. We’ll get rid of everything with wheat in it so you won’t react.”  
  
“Very sweet sentiment,” Bryan mussed. “But, no. I’m not.” He pecked David’s lips to try to say ‘Sorry for freaking you out.’  
  
David stared at him for a moment. “You still think you’re fat, don’t you?” Bryan shot him a hurt look. “Bry, you’re not fat. You’re in great shape. I mean, I don’t think you could lift me, and I don’t want you to, but you’re not out of shape.”  
  
“Yet.”  
  
“Yet?”  
  
“Yet. If I continue to eat anything I want, I’ll balloon up like a baby whale.”  
  
David’s face was now registering horror. “Bryan, you won’t do that even if you ‘eat your feelings’ on a regular basis. You exercise enough, and you rarely eat anything too terribly bad for you. Why are you so worried?”  
  
“What time is it?” Petty, but effective. David looked at the clock and hurriedly shoved the rest of his bagel wedge in his mouth before running to the door, keys and briefcase clutched in one hand.  
  
“I love you,” he called over his shoulder. “We’ll talk more when I get off work.”  
  
“Love you,” Bryan yelled back. He waited until he heard David’s car pull away before eating all the strawberries and dumping the cereal.  
  
He looked at the uneaten portion of bagel and sighed. Maybe he would start his diet after a last ‘eat your feelings’ binge.

~ * ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Briefly edited to fix grammatical errors. Nothing in the way of the story was changed.
> 
> Link to original post: [If It Were Easy](http://ifihadashoe.livejournal.com/6807.html)


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Slight dubious consent. Nothing really happens, but if you want to skip, go ahead.

~ * ~

 

David was late, and an apology was already on his lips as he opened the door. The lights were off, and the room was empty.  
  
“Bryan?” he called, worry surging as he remembered how sad his fiancé was this morning. “Bry, where are you?”  
  
“In here,” Bryan said from his office. He was dressed in a tee shirt and slacks and he was soaked with sweat. “How was work?”  
  
“The same as it always is,” David said, tilting his head and examining the room quickly. He turned back to Bryan and found himself being backed against a wall while Bryan attacked his lips. “Are you okay?” he asked through the kisses, grunting softly as his back hit the wall and he was winded.  
  
“Never felt better,” Bryan gasped. He caught David’s lower lip between his teeth and worried it gently. “Actually, now I know why you like playing pick-up games so much. It’s rewarding to be able to eat what you want without worrying about extra calories.”  
  
“This again?” David winced at his tone, but really? Bryan still thought he was fat? “Bry, you are not fat, you’re not even a little overweight. Why don’t you believe me?”  
  
“Um, maybe because you’re not me.” Bryan shifted his weight, pressing a little closer so he could hook his lips onto the soft spot behind David’s ear. “You don’t know what I think is fat, just like you think you’re skinny.”  
  
David wanted to remind Bryan that he was skinny, but he also didn’t want to fight. Especially not when Bryan was already so close to driving him wild. “Okay,” he said instead, wrapping his arms around Bryan and letting himself be dragged away from the wall, only to be slammed back against it.  
  
“Love you,” Bryan hissed, something almost sinister slinking through his voice. His fingers dug into David’s shoulder and he thrust against him. “Love you, so much.”  
  
“Okay,” David said stupidly. “Please don’t do this.”  
  
Bryan straightened, staring at him, an unreadable expression lurking in his eyes. “Fine. Let’s go to bed.”  
  
“But,” David stammered, “I know I haven’t had supper yet, and I don’t think you’ve had any either.” He grabbed at Bryan’s hand, but Bryan was already too far away, marching steadily towards the bedroom.  
  
“I’m not hungry,” he shot back over his shoulder. “And you shouldn’t be either.”  
  
“Yeah, well, my body doesn’t work that way.”  
  
“It should. It will.” Bryan slammed open the bathroom door, barely sparing a glance at David as he entered the room too. “There will be no more supper in this house.”  
  
“What about dinner parties?” David blinked at him. “You love dinner parties. What if we get invited out? Or go on a date? Are we allowed to eat supper then?”  
  
Bryan grunted and waved him away. “I’ll figure it out. Now leave. I want to shower in peace.”  
  
“Fine,” David said, still rooted to the spot. “Do you want me to set out some clothes for you?”  
  
“Maybe,” Bryan conceded, and David thought he saw a hint of a smile playing about his lips.  
  
“Maybe we can finish what we started in your office?” David smiled back. “I’m just a little shy about the windows.”  
  
“We’ll see.” Then the shower was on and David was standing before the closet, thinking. A few quick choices and he was in and out of the bathroom. Then, he headed to the kitchen, worrying about the phase Bryan was very stuck in.  
  
No supper?  
  
Well, as long as Bryan didn’t notice, he couldn’t lecture. Besides, David hadn’t had time to grab lunch today since the director had wanted to talk to him about a conference coming up. She wanted David to present something about how new steps were being taken to prevent miscarriages. She had been so engrossed in a few articles that he hadn’t had the ability to make it to the cafeteria at all before he was supposed to head back to appointments.  
  
With a slightly guilty, most angry conscience, he fried an egg and browned a slice of bread. He finished hurriedly, choking down the food and brushing his teeth with a spare toothbrush and toothpaste they kept in the bathroom by Bryan’s office for emergencies.  
  
He was back in the room, already making notes on his upcoming presentation when Bryan slipped out of the bathroom, steam curling around him and making him seem ethereal.  
  
“Hi,” David breathed, pen falling unnoticed as he took in the sight of Bryan dressed in the clothes he’d chosen, a hip cocked as he leaned against the doorway.  
  
“Still want to finish?” His smile was crooked, mischief playing in his eyes.  
  
“Yes, please.” David gathered his papers and the wayward pen and set them carefully on his side table, slipping off his watch and glasses too. Bryan took his time, sauntering to the bed and throwing back his side of the covers. Confused, David copied his motions, awkwardly shoving the covers to the foot of the bed.  
  
“Good night,” Bryan sighed, tucking himself in and turning away from David.  
  
“Good night?” David repeated. “If you wanted me to sleep on the couch, you could have just said so!” He turned on his side, not bothering with the covers, trying not to let the tears he felt welling up fall.  
  
“Sleep,” Bryan said.  
  
“Bye,” David said. He crawled off the bed, collecting his things and heading to the living room. He settled quickly, wrapping in an afghan he thought someone had given them for their housewarming. It was rarely used, stuck in a closet because Bryan thought it was tacky, which it was. But, it was warm, and David needed something warm right now.  
  
He didn’t fall asleep for a long time, and Bryan never checked on him.

~ * ~

  
By the time Bryan dragged himself from the shower to the kitchen, David was nowhere in sight. His car wasn’t in its spot, and the breakfast dishes were already washed.  
  
Okay, Bryan thought, he definitely deserved that.  
  
Tonight he would make it up to him, take him out to that new Italian place, except, they couldn’t eat.  
  
David would be mad again when he realized that Bryan meant to stick to this new diet. He already felt better, even though the mirror still said he was pudgy. Oh well. Cereal again, he decided, pulling down a box of chocolate flakes. Ugh, generic. David must have bought them.  
  
Why he never actually let their housekeeper shop for their food, Bryan didn’t understand. Martha knew exactly what and how much of something to get. Especially when Bryan planned to cook for them.  
  
He tried a flake dry and determined it wasn’t as bad as he’d thought it would be, but he wasn’t about to tell David that. In fact, he’d do the opposite. Let David think he wasn’t getting any for two nights in a row.  
  
He pulled out a bowl and spoon and poured a heaping helping of the cereal and headed to the refrigerator for milk.  
  
A note pinned to the fridge with a silly ceramic magnet said David had something he might need to do soon, a conference or something. He would talk to Bryan when he got home tonight.  
  
Bryan smiled. David rarely got to go to conferences since the AMA was just a little concerned about their image. David didn’t mind, often saying how he hated public speaking in front of doctors.  
  
He looked in the fridge but could not see the milk. Instead, his attention was drawn to the eggs on the door. Last he knew they’d had half a dozen, exactly. Now, one was missing. He checked the breakfast dishes more closely, noting that a small frying pan was not included.  
  
David had eaten supper after he’d told him not to!  
  
This definitely meant someone was sleeping on the couch again.  
  
And the fridge was getting a combination lock as soon as Bryan could buy one.  
  
Right now though, a quick glance at the clock on the stove showed he had less than ten minutes to select a jacket and put on his shoes before he had to be on the road.  
It would have to wait, but David wasn’t breaking the rules again. Of that, Bryan was absolutely certain.

~ * ~


	3. Chapter Three

~ * ~

 

David stood in line, waiting while Freddie and Ian yapped about some grievances with their wives. He managed to not check his watch before they made it to the counter and were able to pay for their sandwiches and salad.  
  
“Seriously,” Freddie was saying, way too loud, and gesticulating right in front of David’s nose, “she thinks that I spend too much time with you guys. I mean, when the hell am I ever with you?”  
  
Ian laughed, bite already mashed in his mouth, and David grimaced. He carefully peeled the lid off his tray and stabbed a small tomato while Freddie told Ian how gross he was before doing the exact same thing as Ian choked a bit when he swallowed.  
  
“It’s not bad to sneak food, right?” David mussed out loud, staring at his tomato as it dripped juice onto the table. “Especially not if it was something you were supposed to eat in the first place.”  
  
“Dude, what are you talking about?” Ian watched him finally eat the little red tasteless thing. “Why do  _you_  have to sneak food? I thought Bryan was the one who ate too much.”  
  
“Bryan doesn’t eat too much,” David snapped, shoving his salad away. “He’s just worried that he’s fat right now, and nothing I say is making him feel any better.”  
  
Freddie pushed the salad back to David. “Look, it’s like you said when my wife went through that phase: stick it out and keep reminding him you love him.”  
  
“He says we can’t have supper anymore, and all the ‘fatty’ foods have to be disposed of. I think I’m in a minefield with this one.”  
  
“Why?” Ian huffed a laugh, sans sandwich thankfully. “Just because your perfect union isn’t smooth sailing anymore?”  
  
“Um,” David said. He did not want to talk about what had happened last night. “Sure.”  
  
“Get used to it, and get used to no sex,” Freddie advised him. “Now, eat, before Bryan pops out of the woodwork to tell you lunch is off limits too.”  
  
“Seriously, though,” Ian added, “a salad?”  
  
David laughed before putting anything into his mouth. “I like salads. They’re simple and they don’t give me indigestion.” He laughed again as Freddie grabbed a blister pack of heartburn meds and offered one to Ian.  
  
“Stop laughing,” Ian grumbled. “At least I got some last night.”  
  
“I’ve got things I need to do,” David said, refusing to look at either of them, frightened they might see something in his face that he couldn’t explain yet, even to himself. He threw away the rest of his uneaten salad and went back to his office. He still had to outline the presentation idea for the director, and he wanted to be alone with his thoughts on Bryan’s new behavior.

~ * ~

  
Bryan wanted to eat lunch, but one of the writers, a slightly more talented than usual hack, kept trying to get his opinion on something in an upcoming story arc. Because he was so fond of her, and her storylines usually ended up being the most watched of the seasons, he gave her his time, despite the fact that she deftly steered him away from the buffet table and kept him away from it for the entire lunch break.  
  
Rocky, God bless, sneaked him a plateful of grapes and some other assorted fruits. But, his stomach felt like an empty hole by the time he made it back to the house, and he was seriously considering skipping the whole no supper thing tonight, especially since he’d told Rocky about that new Italian place, and she said he should go even if he was supposed to be punishing David for disobeying him earlier.  
  
“Bryan, that boy doesn’t know you are the best thing to happen to him,” she’d said. “You gotta get off your soft stands and let him have hell when he doesn’t do what you tell him to.”  
  
One of the actresses suggested either leaving David at home or taking him with but not allowing him to eat at the restaurant.  
  
The second one was too cruel for Bryan’s taste, so he opted to invite Rocky out to dinner, conveniently ‘forgetting’ that David wanted to talk to him tonight.  
  
At the restaurant, sufficiently authentic with a great selection of wine and appetizers to choose from, Bryan had a guilt attack as he chewed a breadstick. He imagined David sitting on their couch, dutifully following the rule not knowing Bryan wasn’t going to be there until really late.  
  
Rocky split an order of a pasta primavera with him, both finishing quickly, still discussing the writer’s new arc.  
  
“I think I’ve made a mistake,” Bryan confided on their way back to his and David’s house. “I know I’m not fat, and I know David didn’t call me fat, but I just don’t want to admit it yet.”  
  
“You don’t have to tell him right away,” Rocky said. “You can let him know in a couple of days. Let him stew a bit, so he’ll be more attentive.”  
  
“Good advice,” Bryan said. “Thanks, Rocky. See you tomorrow.”  
  
“You’re working from home tomorrow,” she reminded him. And he smiled. Sighing, she said, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” before he climbed out of the car, waving as she pulled away.  
  
Then he spent a good few moments of panic patting his pockets until he found his keys and unlocked the door.  
  
Sitting on the couch in a puddle of light spilling from a lamp pulled to the edge of an end table, David was curled up asleep. A book was on his lap, as was the afghan from hell—a gift from David’s mother their first Christmas together. He was snoring softly, head tilted back at an uncomfortable angle.  
  
There was a plate on the table by the lamp, but it only held an empty cup. Bryan felt his guilt crawling back into his stomach, churning with the pasta primavera.  
  
“David?” he whispered, gently tracing a finger over his fiancé’s face. David jumped awake, blinking at him in a very adorable manner. “It’s time for bed, babe.”  
  
“I tried to wait for you,” David said, unfolding his legs and stumbling when they wouldn’t quite hold his weight. Bryan steadied him and led him towards the bedroom. “Wait, I didn’t put away my dishes!”  
  
“They’ll keep. Right now, I need you to come with me.”  
  
David kept tripping, pressing against Bryan’s side and pulling away as he was steered to his side of the bed. He surged forward when Bryan pulled the covers over him, lips smashing into Bryan’s with a decidedly sloppy fervor as he tried mumbling something at the same time.  
  
“Good night,” Bryan said firmly, pulling away even as David followed him.  
  
“Okay,” David agreed a moment later, settling back onto the bed and turning towards Bryan. “I love you.” His smile tugged at Bryan’s heart, and they shared a quick, less sloppy, kiss.  
  
Sleep, Bryan thought, drifting off even as he felt David curl against him, head on his chest, mouth open and breathing warmth on him.

~ * ~

  
Bryan was still asleep in his clothes when David woke up. He smiled fondly, rolling Bryan until he could pull off his jacket and shoes, and still Bryan slept on.  
  
A quick touchup with his razor and a shower later, David was ready for work again. He’d managed to complete the first draft of the presentation, which was still a couple of months away, but it never hurt to be prepared. He would tell Bryan tonight, if he didn’t join him for breakfast.  
  
A cheesy omelet sounded perfect, and David used all the eggs. He added some green beans for vegetables, but he was quickly running out of culinary experience.  
  
Ah, well, he decided, toasting some bread and cutting more strawberries for the rest of the food groups. Milk or yogurt?  
  
Bryan stumbled into the kitchen then, rubbing at one eye as he took in David, wrapped in one of Bryan’s aprons, standing over the stove, trying to get the omelet onto a plate in one piece.  
  
“Morning,” David called. He’d brushed his teeth because he’d been up a while, but as Bryan pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, he realized Bryan hadn’t had the same luxury. “Breakfast is almost ready, if you are.”  
  
“I am,” Bryan smiled, and David really thought they might be okay. He’d already decided to forget about the incident in Bryan’s office, and it seemed Bryan hadn’t discovered his late night snack yet.  
  
“Milk?” David held out the carton, and Bryan nodded. Good, he hadn’t felt like yogurt anyway.  
  
Carefully, he cut the omelet, sliding half onto Bryan’s plate with a slice of toast. He set a small bowl of the strawberries by his side, silverware and napkin ready too.  
  
“This is good,” Bryan said through a mouthful of food, and David smiled.  
  
“I may not be as good of a cook as you, but I am effective,” he sing-songed as he slapped more bread into a sandwich. Once he had his lunch done, he sat down, pulling his own portions to himself. Lunch and supper had been nonexistent—as much as a couple bites of salad and a cup of hot tea were—so he found himself starving beyond reason. “I need to tell you something.”  
  
“Go for it.” Bryan motioned to his cup, and David refilled his milk.  
  
“The director wants me to do a presentation on medical help for miscarriages. It’s not until January, but it’s in Boston.”  
  
“The director? That’s Sheryl, right?” David nodded. “Can you take a guest?”  
  
“I’d have to ask her, but I don’t think so. It’s for the hospital. It’s not a vacation.”  
  
“Oh.” Bryan’s sigh said something, but David couldn’t figure it out.  
  
“It’s only for a couple of days. She’d probably let me take a few vacation days right after, if you want.”  
  
“Okay,” Bryan said. “It’s time.”  
  
David glanced at the clock and swore softly. He’d only eaten half of his omelet and none of the toast or strawberries. He tore off the apron, hanging in on the hook he’d found it on. If it needed laundering, either Martha would do it, or Bryan would remind him when he got back tonight.  
  
Bryan handed him his lunch, and David gave him a quick kiss. “Can we please eat supper tonight?” he asked, putting his most adorable and hopeful expression on. “Just tonight? We haven’t been spending much time together and I miss it.”  
  
“I miss it too,” Bryan admitted, grabbing David so he could plant a messy kiss. “Yes, we can eat supper. I’ll make something nice, but,” he grabbed David’s lunch and threw it back in the fridge, “no lunch is the trade-off.”  
  
“Deal,” David said. If he had time, and he really didn’t think Sheryl would give him time today, not with the rough draft, Bryan wouldn’t need to know if he bought lunch. One more kiss, and he ran out the door, wallet and keys collected from the bowl behind the breadbox.  
  
They really would be okay, even if Bryan’s phase lasted a bit longer than David was used to. He smiled, touching his mouth. Maybe Ian and Freddie would be wrong this time, as they usually were whenever it came to his and Bryan’s relationship.

~ * ~


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sex! Male on male sex! Skip at your own desire.

~ * ~

  
Martha grumbled a bit, but she brought back everything Bryan asked for, and soon he was busy chopping vegetables and stewing them. Stuffed samosas, something David had introduced him to on their fourth date, were their favorite guilty food since it was lightly fried, as opposed to deep fried when made traditionally.  
  
He was almost done when he heard the front door opening and shutting. A few moments later, David appeared in the kitchen doorway. He smiled, taking in the partially cleaned mess.  
  
“Need any help?” he offered.  
  
“Of course,” Bryan said, pointing towards the pile of dishes waiting to be rinsed before being put in the dishwasher. “And you can thank Martha next time you see her for washing the apron too.”  
  
“Okay.” Still in his jacket, with the sleeves pushed up, David grabbed some silverware, running it under the tap before slipping it into the wonder-machine. He continued steadily, humming under his breath as he worked, and Bryan focused hard, trying to recognize the tune.  
  
He still hadn’t figured it out by the time David had set the table at they’d sat down to eat.  
  
Then it didn’t matter because they talked about everything that had happened in the past few days, and Bryan found himself lost in David’s smile, David’s laugh, David’s body language, and most definitely David.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he blurted suddenly, interrupting David’s question about his work on the show. “I didn’t mean to be pushy a few days ago.” He thought back to the time in his office, the way he’d been rough with David. He glanced up to catch a look of surprise and confusion on David’s face.  
  
“It’s okay. I overreacted,” he said. “I…” his voice wavered softly, fading away as he poked at a samosa. “I’m sorry too.”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
“I love you too.” The samosa was poked again, and David scooped out the inside. “These are really good.”  
  
“But you don’t like the dough?” Something flitted over David’s features, gone before Bryan could really recognize it. Then he smiled, putting a small piece of the shell in his mouth and chewing carefully.  
  
“It soaked up some of the oil,” he explained, eating another small piece.  
  
“Ah,” Bryan said. David’s stomach often was upset if he ate certain foods, and fried foods were the ultimate queasy. “Well, then, you don’t have to keep eating it.”  
  
“I want something,” David replied, fork clinking as he set it on the plate. He glanced up shyly. “I want…” he swallowed hard, reached a shaky hand towards his water glass. “I want you to…”  
  
“You want to make out?” Bryan supplied. Somehow, David was never confident to initiate sexual contact, and he was forever embarrassed if Bryan mentioned their bedroom activities to anyone, but he was usually up for whatever Bryan was, if a little inexperienced and bashful.  
  
David blushed, nodding. He twirled his glass, not sipping from it.  
  
“Do you want to make love?”  
  
David nodded again, and his glass tipped as it spun. He mouthed something, but no sound made it across the table.  
  
“All right,” Bryan said. “We’ll clean up supper later. Let’s go.”  
  
David reached for his hand, and their fingers tangled, Bryan leading. Paranoid, David pulled the curtains and locked the door while Bryan prepared the bed and the other things. Condoms and lube set near the pillows, which he moved so that David could lie on them with his lower half elevated.  
  
“Lights?” Bryan liked low light when he was making love; David liked no light. Usually they compromised, and half the time they had some light and the other half none. Tonight, David seemed to want to appease Bryan because he bit his lip and nodded.  
  
Then, twisting his body so Bryan couldn’t get a clear glance of his nakedness, David pulled off his shirt. Bryan cupped his cheek, pressing a kiss against his lips, biting gently until David opened his mouth. The first swipe of tongue was electric, and Bryan felt himself hardening.  
  
Using a thumb, he hooked David’s pants and boxers and drew them down his legs slowly, skimming kisses and using his tongue to trace the trail of hair that marched down to David’s member. A quick glance up showed David was watching him, eyes dark and dilated. He licked his lips and then set his teeth into the lower one as Bryan mouthed his cock.  
  
Smiling around the penis in his mouth, Bryan kept his eyes locked on David’s, noticing, even so, that his breathing was speeding up, hitching a little. Then he pulled off, stripping quickly while David positioned himself on the bed. He grabbed the lube, spreading some on his fingers and reaching down to push one and then two into himself. His other hand still clutched the bottle of lube.  
  
Bryan caught his breath, watching for a long moment as David worked himself open, scissoring his fingers and stretching his hole. Carefully, Bryan took the lube from David’s white-knuckled grasp, pouring some on his own fingers and sliding one in alongside David’s two. A small gasp escaped David’s mouth before he latched his teeth onto his lip again, breathing shallowly through his nose.  
  
Pressing David’s fingers in deeper, and holding them still, Bryan slid another of his fingers in, too. David hissed in pain, a thin whine working its way out of his throat through his clenched teeth. With quick jabs, Bryan worked him open wider, and then let all their fingers fall out while he ripped open the first condom and rolled it onto his cock.  
  
Gripping David’s hips, he tilted his body so he could slide in, sinking down slowly until only a few inches remained outside David’s body. Then he withdrew just as slowly, until only the head was inside. Even with all the preparation, David was tight around him.  
  
“Ready?” he breathed, leaning forward, and letting his cock rub against David’s rim as he searched for the best view of his face. David nodded, teeth still attached to his lip. “Ready,” Bryan repeated, rocking his hips forward and letting gravity pull him down a little faster now. A few strokes in, he started moving even faster, mouth on David’s, teeth bumping as he tried to get him to stop biting.  
  
“F-f-faster,” David stuttered after a few moments of their movements. He leveraged himself up enough that he could drop himself onto Bryan’s cock again and again. If he didn’t stop, Bryan wouldn’t last much longer. When David twisted his hips as he sank down, Bryan made an executive decision. David whined when Bryan lifted him off, pulling away to add another condom to the one already on him. Bryan sighed softly, waiting for a count of five for his dick to stop thinking it could come so soon, and then he pushed in, gentleness taking a backseat to urgency. He probed hard, searching for David’s prostate, slamming his cock in and out so fast that David had to grab the headboard and hang on.  
  
He finally found what he was looking for, and David cried out at the contact. Using his momentum, Bryan was able to partially raise himself up, and his penetration angle increased. Every stroke brushed David’s prostate, and David began keening, writhing around as he tried to escape the stimulation.  
  
Bryan glanced down, noticing for the first time that David had already come, semen splattered between them, all the way up from his belly-button to his nipples. He slowed then, still thrusting deep, and freed a hand to swipe through the come.  
  
“Babe,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss David, shifting his weight and striking David’s prostate again. David whimpered, shuddering as he came again, his hole clamping down so tight that this time Bryan felt it through the condoms. “Do you want me to stop?”  
  
David shook his head, managing to gasp, “You haven’t come yet,” in a calm, if not quite steady voice.  
  
“If you’re sure,” Bryan said. Normally, he would stop soon enough into his penetration that he could jack David off without staying in him too long. He wasn’t entirely sure what was different tonight, but he knew he did not want to stop. David nodded, and they kissed again.  
  
“You can speed up again,” he encouraged Bryan.  
  
Bryan did, rocking into him so quickly that his hands slipped on the headboard and he moved. Bryan followed him, helping turn him over so that he was leaning over David’s back and entering him again. He was able to straddle him, one leg thrown over David’s hip so he could slam his cock in and out again.  
  
David grunted, reaching a hand back to fondle his balls, and Bryan felt himself start to come. He slowed then, thrusting gently while David continued to play with his balls, tracing fingers over the base of his cock. He softened quickly, but picked up the pace again, and the bed began rocking again. They came again together, David crying, open-mouthed and Bryan crying too, sensations too strong.  
  
David fell asleep before Bryan pulled out and discarded the condoms. He was curled slightly, and his hole, still stretched out a bit, was red. Bryan felt a pang of fear, wondering if David would be mad at him later, but decided it could wait. He climbed off the bed, padding to the bathroom and wetting a couple of washcloths. David moaned as he turned him onto his back, waking slightly when he brushed the damp material over his chest.  
  
“Don’ wanna,” he mumbled, words thick and eyes still mostly closed. “Can’t do it again.” Bryan didn’t respond, just used the second cloth to wipe between his legs. “Pants,” David said, head falling to the side, eyes sliding fully closed again. His breathing evened out, and he was asleep again.  
  
“Fine,” Bryan said, stifling a yawn. He grabbed a pair of his own pajama pants and pulled them up David’s legs. Then he put on some pants of his own. He set the alarm for David’s early morning, turned off the light, and climbed back into bed.  
  
He was asleep before David rolled against him, curling around his body and tucking his head under his chin.

~ * ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2016 Note: This was actually the very first sex scene I'd ever written. And it is terrible. Apologies for that.


	5. Chapter Five

~ * ~

 

David felt like crying when his alarm went off. In fact, he was pretty sure a sob or two escaped as he swung his legs off the bed and sort of fell on his face. His whole body hurt, especially that one special place.  
  
Bryan poked his head over the edge of the bed and stared at him. “Are you okay?”  
  
“I will be,” David said, wincing as he sat up and pain shot through his body. “Can I call in sick?”  
  
“Do you not feel well?” Bryan climbed down and settled next to him, drawing him back against his chest. A hand touched David’s forehead. “You are a little warm.”  
  
“I’m not sick,” David protested, but it felt good to sink into the warmth of another body. Bryan turned his head a little, using a hand on David’s chin. A soft kiss pressed to his lips. “I just don’t know if I can go to work today.”  
  
“I hurt you, didn’t I?” Bryan’s voice was sad, and David could imagine the guilt in his eyes.  
“No, not anymore than I wanted you to.” He turned, cupping his hands over Bryan’s cheeks, fingers tangling into his hair. He leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to his mouth. “I liked it.”  
  
“Really?” Bryan pushed him off and stood up. Then he helped him up, walking him towards the bathroom. “I was kind of pushy.”  
  
“Hey, I came. Three times, if I remember right.” He let Bryan help him onto the counter, hiding a wince as he settled wrong at first. He smiled when his toothbrush, paste slopped on, was stuck into his hand. “Are you going to let me stay home?”  
  
“I have to go in to the studio today, but if you aren’t able to move much, you should stay here.”  
  
David leaned over to spit into the sink, turning on the tap as Bryan shoved a small glass under the stream, which David used to rinse. Once they were done brushing, Bryan shoved a bottle of painkillers at David. Then he helped him down. And he refilled the glass.  
  
“Are you any less stiff?”  
  
“I’m not stiff. I actually ache.” David shook a couple of pills into his palm, staring at them so he wouldn’t have to see if Bryan had that guilty look on his face again. He popped them into his mouth, chasing them with a swallow of water. “Okay, I think I’m ready.” He moved quickly then, climbing into the shower with his pajama pants still on. Bryan didn’t move, watching as he turned on the water.  
  
“Join me?” David offered, shuffling back until there was enough room for Bryan under the spray too. A shy smile curved his lips, and he kept glancing down, waiting for Bryan to make up his mind.  
  
“Your pants, silly,” Bryan said, removing his own before he slid into the shower. David wrapped his arms around him, tucking his head against Bryan’s shoulder.  
  
“Okay, fine,” David conceded and let Bryan lower them until they were sitting on the floor. He tugged at the soaked material, struggling to pull it off. Bryan helped him, and they fell against each other laughing at David’s stupidity. They kissed and finished quickly, shampoo and soap sluicing off in the steady stream, and Bryan, wrapped in a robe, went out into the room to collect some clothes while David tried to dry himself without reigniting the pain of pulled muscles.  
  
It didn’t work too well, and he found himself sitting next to the toilet, towel hanging off his shoulders as he shuddered, feeling cold and small. A tiny sob broke out of his throat and he felt tears welling up. Oh, he really didn’t feel well now. Not at all.

~ * ~

Bryan stopped in front of the floor length mirror, staring at his stomach, flatter than a few days ago, or so he thought, but still prominently sticking out. He tapped his chin again, noting with relief that his face wasn’t as swollen today. But, if he was honest with himself, and Bryan always tried to be honest with at least one person per day, he was still fat.  
  
“Bry?” David called from the bathroom, and Bryan remembered that he was naked.  
  
“Coming,” he said, pulling out underwear, a charcoal suit, and a light purple dress shirt for David. He peeked into the bathroom, surprised to find his fiancé curled on the floor by the toilet, eyes brimming with tears.  
  
He wasn’t aware of moving, but found himself dropping to his knees in front of David, grabbing for his hands and trying to get him to respond as he whispered his name over and over.  
  
“Hi.” David startled, a sheepish look creeping into his eyes, which were still masked in unshed tears. “I’m sorry.” He accepted the clothes but kept his eyes downward, and Bryan watched helplessly as a single tear spilled over, rolling down the curve of David’s cheek.  
  
“Maybe you should stay home,” Bryan said. He pressed his hand against David’s forehead, surprised to find him slightly warmer than before. “I’m calling Sheryl. You’re not in any shape to go to work. Now, let’s get you dressed in something more appropriate.” He helped David stand up, wondering if he should take David to the emergency room. After all, it couldn’t just be a coincidence that he was ill after they’d done something more strenuous than David was quite used to, could it?  
  
They walked slowly, Bryan leading the way to the bed, where David paused to pull on the boxer shorts. From the closet, Bryan pulled out another pair of sleep pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt for David, helping him dress. Then he tucked him into bed, kissing his forehead.  
  
“I’ll be right back,” he promised. “I’m going to see if I can get today off too.”  
  
No promises there, he knew, especially since that one writer had been adamant that she needed to speak with him as soon as she could. Maybe he would call Goldie and see if she could swing by to check on David.  
  
Being sick was not something David did well. And, if Bryan was still being honest, he wasn’t the best at it either.  
  
The phone in his office would work to make the calls. He shut the door silently, tiptoeing to his office. Sheryl answered on the third ring, asking several questions such as why she couldn’t speak to David.  
  
“Because he’s asleep,” Bryan muttered after he hung up. He called Rocky next, and she told him that he absolutely could not skip out on the mid-morning meetings, and she would personally see that his favorite macchiato drink was provided if he got his ass in within the next thirty minutes. He thought he could swing it, but he didn’t want to make any promises.  
  
Goldie was next, and she agreed that she could check on David, maybe even spend the day. Bryan told her he was sore, side effect of the flu or something, and that she should try to get him to eat. Then he tiptoed back to the bedroom, choosing his clothes carefully and dressing.  
  
“I love you,” David called from the bed as he finished tugging on his jacket. Bryan perched on the edge, leaning down to study David’s face.  
  
“I love you,” he replied, using the back of one hand to do the forehead test again. “Now, you rest. Goldie will be in to check on you, and I unplugged the house phone so Sheryl can’t call you.”  
  
David smiled, eyes drooping, but clear. Bryan thought he saw a hint of red rims, but couldn’t do much more than kiss David one more time before leaving.  
  
He ran into Goldie on the way out, and she smiled, promising that David would be well-looked after. And that was all Bryan could expect.

~ * ~


	6. Chapter Six

~ * ~

 

Goldie was a little concerned when David refused to wake up for lunch. His fever was up, face flushed and sweaty as he tossed and turned every time she shook his shoulder. Finally, he sat up, mid afternoon sun falling across his body, striping his face with splashes of white and orange.  
  
“Bad dream?” she asked, noticing how he held himself stiff and gasped for breath. He glanced at her, confusion clouding his eyes.  
  
“No,” he whispered, voice hoarse, like he’d been screaming. “I just didn’t remember where I was for a moment.” She felt his forehead, not surprised to find that his fever hadn’t broken.  
  
“Well,” she said, “since you’re awake, do you think you could eat some soup for me?”  
  
“Not hungry.”  
  
“How about using the bathroom?”  
  
He thought for a moment before nodding, sliding fully out from under the covers and standing shakily by the bed. “Help?” he smiled sheepishly, motioning towards the bathroom door. She nodded, letting him drape an arm over her shoulders as she steered him to the toilet. She left him there and went to fetch a sweater since she’d noticed he had started shivering.  
  
He was washing his hands when she returned, and she placed the garment on his shoulders, waiting until he had shoved his arms through the sleeves to zip it closed. Then, she led him back to the bed.  
  
“You need to eat something, and I just reheated this soup. It’s homemade.”  
  
“Can’t argue with that,” David said, his smile more genuine, more  _him_  now that he was settled again. He grasped the spoon weakly, though, and stirred the soup listlessly, letting most of the few spoonfuls he actually lifted to his lips trickle back into the bowl.  
  
“Eat,” she demanded, taking the spoon from him after a brief tug of war. He let her feed him three bites before his eyes blinked shut and stayed shut. He snorted awake a moment later, but nodded off again as she tried to give him another mouthful of soup.  
  
She helped him sink down until he wasn’t leaning against the headboard anymore. His gruff “Thank you” spoke more of being overtired than anger, and he smiled slightly as he dropped into a deeper sleep.  
  
As soon as he didn’t react to her moving things around him, she pulled out her cell phone. Bryan had demanded regular updates, and so far had threatened to come home when she’d let slip that David wasn’t exactly cooperating with the whole ‘get better’ thing Bryan had planned.  
  
Bryan had also let slip that he may have been overexcited with David last night. He’d told her that should David worsen, she was to take him to the ER. Well, he wasn’t worse, but he certainly wasn’t better. He would meet them there.  
  
Goldie wasn’t sure what was going on, but she heard some kind of tension in Bryan’s voice every time she talked to him.  
  
Bryan answered on the third ring with a clipped “What?”  
  
“Hey,” she said brightly, trying to infuse hope and calm into her voice. “I got him to eat a little something, and he was awake for around five minutes. His temperature is still up, but he doesn’t seem any worse than he was last time I called.”  
  
“Hospital,” Bryan responded. His tone was still cold, and she thought she heard disappointment in there too. “I’m coming home now.”  
  
“What about  _Sing_?”  
  
“They don’t need me this afternoon.” He laughed, and she knew she wasn’t imagining the bitterness in it. “In fact, I think they’d prefer me to disappear for a while.”  
  
“Okay,” she said slowly, trying to think, of what she didn’t know. “We’ll be here. I’ll pack a bag for David in case he has to stay overnight.”  
  
“Am I a bad person?” The question surprised her, but she managed to murmur a disagreement. He talked over her, saying, with a choked voice, “I almost raped him a few days ago, and I think I did last night too.”  
  
So that’s what he meant by being a bad person.  
  
“Did David say you raped him?” She used her lawyer voice, moving back to the bedroom to watch as David turned onto his side, his face pinched in pain as he tried to find a comfortable position.  
  
“No,” Bryan said, “but he wouldn’t. He tried to convince me that he wanted it. What if I’m the reason why he’s sick?”  
  
“He works in a hospital. What if one of his patients got him sick?”  
  
“Fair enough,” Bryan said, and the call disconnected. While she waited for the inevitable storm of Guilty Bryan, Goldie gathered a few outfits of sweats and t-shirts for David, tucking them into a small duffle buried at the back of the closet.  
  
She was trying to wake David because his pain seemed to have grown in the past few minutes when Bryan joined her so quietly that she’d only realized he was there after she had glanced up several times.  
  
“’m awake,” David mumbled, and his eyes cracked open a little. “Bry,” he breathed, mouth curving into a smile as he struggled to sit up. Bryan moved quickly, drawing David the rest of the way up and tucking him close to his body.  
  
“We’re going to the hospital now.”  
  
Goldie accepted Bryan’s keys as he half-lifted David and helped him out to his car. “Take it back,” David said as Bryan settled in the backseat with him, “you can lift me.”  
  
Bryan’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes, and Goldie felt the tension snap into place. “Of course I can, babe. Love can do anything.”  
  
“Love,” David repeated. “I’m sorry. I’m not being right. I love you.”  
  
Bryan kissed his forehead, and Goldie pressed on the gas a little harder.  
  
The hospital was rather empty, thankfully. And, they were settled quickly with David’s paperwork, David leaning on Bryan, shivering even in his sweater and a blanket Goldie had found in the trunk.  
  
The nurse called David’s name, and David tried to stand up, hand clutching Bryan’s sleeve so hard his knuckles were white and the fabric was beginning to tear.  
  
“I ache,” he whispered, and Goldie’s stomach fell when she realized there was blood on the seat of his pants. She tapped Bryan’s arm, and he gasped when she pointed it out. “What?” David demanded as the nurse helped him onto a bed.  
  
“If I could have a word,” Bryan said to the nurse, who nodded. They stepped away, leaving Goldie to distract an agitated David.  
  
“They’re just discussing treatment,” she said, brushing some hair off his forehead. He was warmer now, but still shivering. She pressed her lips to his temple, and he grunted.  
  
“There’s something wrong inside,” he moaned. “It just doesn’t feel right.”  
  
“I know,” she said. “You’re bleeding.”  
  
He jerked, sitting up and wincing as he moved. “I’m bleeding?” He glanced down at his lap. “Does Bryan know?”  
  
Before Goldie could respond, Bryan and the nurse returned, a doctor in tow. “Mr. Sawyer,” the doctor, a tall man with a blue shirt stretched over an ample stomach and a receding hairline of gray fuzz, said, “your partner tells me you’ve been a little rough lately.”  
  
“Rough?” Bryan said, and he winced. “I said I hurt him. He was the receptive partner last night, and now he’s bleeding.”  
  
“You’ll have to leave now,” the nurse said to Goldie, hand already on her arm and steering her back through the double doors to the waiting room.  
  
“But,” she stammered, looking back at Bryan who was bent over David, holding his head steady while the doctor examined him. “But.”  
  
“Go,” Bryan called to her. “Shania gets out of school soon, and she’ll need her mom.”  
  
“Okay. Let me know how it goes. And David?” David held up a trembling hand. “Feel better soon.”  
  
She left, aware that her car was still at David and Bryan’s. When she exited into the sunny day, she found Rocky leaning against a blue Mercedes, cleaning her nails with a poky stick Nana had said was for ugly cuticles.  
  
“Let’s go,” Rocky said, climbing into her car without waiting for Goldie to get to it. “Shania’s school gets out in ten minutes. I figure we have twenty before she realizes you’re not there to pick her up.”  
  
“Okay. Lead on.”

~ * ~


	7. Chapter Seven

~ * ~

  
The doctor was strangely detached, seeming to blame David for his injuries, even though Bryan spent much of the time they asked questions telling them it was his fault and asking them to just please treat David.  
  
For his part, David was in a room with one of his doctor friends while Bryan paced the waiting room.  
  
A car accident with three victims distracted the nurses from glaring at Bryan, and he took the opportunity to sneak into the treatment room.  
  
“Surgery,” Amir was saying when he opened the door, both of them looking up as he crept around the door.  
  
“Hey, Bry,” David chirped. “Amir gave me something for the pain.”  
  
“I see,” Bryan said, and he did. David was loose-limbed, stretched out on the bed, his face was clear of any pain lines, and he seemed simultaneously more aware and fuzzier around the edges. “You were saying?” he indicated Amir with a carefully swept hand.  
  
“David suffered several anal tears. Now, I can’t say these are a direct result of your lovemaking, but there is a good chance that they are related.”  
  
“I figured,” Bryan said, drawing one of the chairs closer to the bed so he could entwine his fingers with David. “We’ve never had him on the bottom that long. Or done it quite that hard.”  
  
Amir, although friend to David, was being more of a doctor than the ER doctor, and Bryan mentioned it.  
  
“He’s one of the AMA’s advisors,” David mumbled, using their joined hands to swipe at his eyes. “The lights are really bright. It’s kinda hurting again.”  
  
Amir stood up, pushing Bryan back enough that he could flash a penlight into David’s eyes. David grunted in surprise or pain and shied away. “You’ve got slight photosensitivity right now,” Amir said. He turned the lights down for them, smiling when David’s sigh of relief was very audible.  
  
“I’m sorry for ruining your day,” David apologized, turning slightly so he could tuck their still-joined hands under his head. He blinked frequently, eyes staying shut longer and longer until they didn’t open and his breathing evened out.  
  
“It’s my fault he’s hurt,” Bryan said, tears welling in his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that to him.”  
  
“David has told me that he liked it, even though he wasn’t really prepared for it. Bryan, if you’d meant to hurt him, you wouldn’t feel bad at all.”  
  
“I know  _that_.” Bryan used his free hand to wipe at David’s exposed, sweaty forehead. “It’s just. He’s forgiven me already. So, how can I forgive myself?”  
  
“It will take time, but he loves you. He doesn’t want you to feel guilty.”  
  
“I bet you don’t have this kind of thing,” he gestured at the sterile wipes sitting on the counter, the stethoscope hanging around Amir’s neck, at the wall where the biohazard container was stuck, “with your wife. When you have sex.”  
  
“No, but I probably spend more nights on the couch than David ever makes you spend alone.”  
  
“Mmm,” David moaned then, shifting again so he was curled more tightly, legs drawn up with his knees pressing into his chest. “Bryan.”  
  
“Hey, babe, I’m here.” He kissed him gently, tracing a finger over his lips.  
  
“Gonna be sick,” David responded. Bryan shot a worried look at Amir, who was already picking out an emesis basin to shove under David’s mouth. They got him upright just in time, and Bryan winced sympathetically as David heaved.  
  
“Sometimes the medication has side effects,” Amir explained, using one of those wipes to clean David’s face. “That’s the photosensitivity and the nausea. He might also develop a rash.”  
  
A beeping sound went off, and Amir grabbed at a pager stuck to his belt. “The surgeon is on the premises now. I need to call a nurse so we can get him prepped.” He waited for Bryan to withdraw his hand from David’s. “I will let you know when you can see him again.”  
  
Bryan closed his hand on the cold feeling of emptiness. Maybe Amir could see the fear rising in him again because he stared at Bryan with a concerned look creasing his features. “He will be fine. I promise you.” He finally said, stepping back to his desk to pick up the phone sitting in the corner. “Now, go.”  
  
Bryan kissed David one more time—the temple, since he could still smell the bile in the basin and it was making him queasy—before slipping out the door again.  
  
He made it all the way outside where he sat himself on a curb and watched traffic and smokers until everything blurred with tears and he started sobbing.

~ * ~

Shania was scared when her mother picked her up. Mostly because her mom looked scared. But, she also noticed that Rocky, driving her mom, was scared too.  
  
“I got a hundred on my spelling test,” Shania said, climbing into the backseat and clicking her seatbelt. At her words, her mom looked sadder.  
  
“That’s the one David helped you with, right?”  
  
“Yes,” Shania said. “I was the only one who got colloquial right.” She smiled then, passing the paper to her mom. Perceptive that she was, she noticed when they turned the wrong way to go home, but she didn’t say anything. Not even when they pulled into the parking lot of a hospital.  
  
Silently, they all marched into the waiting room of the ER. Immediately, Shania saw Bryan standing by a water cooler, dunking a teabag in a small cup of liquid. He smiled thinly at her when she wrapped her arms around his stomach.  
  
“How’s David?” she asked, breaking away to shove her glasses more firmly onto her nose.  
  
“He’s still in surgery,” Bryan replied, motioning towards a row of wooden chairs with blue and red patterned cushion seats. “How was your test today?”  
  
“You remembered!” She pretended to be exuberant for his sake, since he looked sadder than her mom. And no small wonder, the love of his life was in surgery. She held out her hand, waiting for her mom to put the test in her hand before she showed it to Bryan.  
  
“Of course I remembered,” he said, glancing at her score and checking her answers. “David wouldn’t stop talking about the champion he’d make you with his superstar training.” He kissed her head, smiling again, and this time it looks more genuine.  
  
“Oh, there’s Amir,” Rocky said, pointing at the doctor heading towards them. “What’s the news, doc?”  
  
“The news,” Amir said, shuffling the papers in his hands nervously, “is that David’s fever spiked.” He glanced meaningfully at Shania, before turning back to Bryan. “Maybe we should speak more privately.” Bryan nodded, already up and following him before he finished speaking.  
  
“Is it because I’m nine?” Shania asked her mom. She thought she was old enough to understand the medical jargon the doctor would inevitably use, but her mom shook her head.  
  
“It’s because Bryan is closest to David, so only he can really be informed of the medical decisions that need to be made.”  
  
Rocky made an affirmative noise. “They are each other’s medical proxies. If David can’t make a decision for himself—”  
  
“Bryan has to make it,” Shania interrupted her. “I know that. I meant the injuries that he needs surgery for. Am I too young to know?”  
  
“Shania,” her mom said, “any injuries they suffer are private until they choose to share them with us. Right now, Bryan is the best person to understand what David needs.”  
  
“But, David will be all right?” When neither her mom nor Rocky answered her, Shania grabbed Bryan’s abandoned tea and drained it in one long gulp. “Well, I’m off to practice David’s study strategies. If you need me, I’ll be locked in the first stall in the women’s room.”  
  
“Shania,” her mom called, already lumbering to her feet to reach out for her. Shania took off running, bypassing the bathrooms entirely and slipping into an elevator before her mom caught her.  
  
As she wandered down a hall of rooms, she heard what sounded like Bryan crying. She peeked in the door, pushing it open just a tad more. Bryan was indeed crying in that room, Amir awkwardly patting his arm.  
  
“It’s all my fault,” Bryan said. “If I hadn’t done that, he wouldn’t have ruptured his colon.”  
  
“Bryan,” Amir said, reaching into his papers spread over the desk and plucking one out to push under Bryan’s snot-dripping nose. “It was actually fortuitous that you discovered this now. If it had gone on another week, David would probably be dead. I know you still think you did this, but trust me, you’ve actually helped save his life.”  
  
“I should have brought him in this morning when he wasn’t feeling well. I should have done more.”  
  
“You love him,” Shania said, opening the door fully and marching up to him. She gathered his hand in hers and stared into his tear-filled eyes. “If you love him enough, it doesn’t matter. I know he doesn’t think you hurt him.”  
  
“You don’t even know what I did to him.”  
  
“I know you did what my mom and dad did to make me,” she retorted, and Bryan recoiled as if she’d slapped him. “I know you think that you are the reason he’s in the hospital, but Amir is telling you that you saved his life. If David really didn’t love you, he wouldn’t have let you do anything like that to him. You need to trust him.”  
  
“How do you know what we do?”  
  
“I looked it up.” She shrugged before turning to the doctor. “May I?” Without waiting for his response, she grabbed the page and stared at it. “His colon is weakened. Why is it weakened?”  
  
“David had cancer when he was twenty,” Amir explained. “He had surgery then to remove the polyps which weakened his colon considerably. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened.”  
  
Bryan pulled Shania into his lap, despite her being gangly and awkward and much too big for him to be holding. “I,” he said, stuttering over the single syllable. “I will try to do better with the guilt.”  
  
“That is all we can ask,” Amir said.  
  
“Why did he never tell me he’d had cancer?” Bryan asked, chin on top of Shania’s head, forcing her to watch as the door she had left open admitted her mom and Rocky.  
  
“That’s something you need to ask David,” Amir said. “Now, I’m sorry, but I need you to return to the waiting room while I check on David again.”  
  
“Of course,” her mom said, motioning for Bryan, still holding Shania on his lap, to join them as they made the trek back to the first room. “Shania drank your tea, so I’ll make you some more.”  
  
“Oh, don’t bother,” Bryan said, letting Shania slide off his lap so he could stand. “It tasted awful. Actually,” he smiled a sad, sweet smile of memory, “it reminded me of the first time David made me breakfast in bed. He didn’t know how to work my coffee machine, so he panicked and made terrible tea instead.”  
  
“Indeed,” Shania agreed. “Your coffee machine has many functionless buttons. It is no wonder he was unable to fully decode its secrets in time to serve you a delicious cup of nectar.”  
  
“What do you know of coffee?” her mom asked, hands settling on her hips even as they continued moving down the hall and into the elevator. “You only drink milk, water, or juice.”  
  
“And pop,” Shania grinned. “Don’t forget pop.”  
  
Her mom looked flustered, but Bryan gave her a knowing smile, and Rocky snorted.  
  
“You aren’t embarrassing your momma like that, Shania,” she said.  
  
“Fine, but I do get to drink pop on special occasions.”  
  
“Homework,” Bryan said, pointing at the backpack Shania had almost forgotten she was wearing. “Let’s do all your homework for the next two weeks while we wait for news.”  
  
“Deal,” Shania said, initiating a complicated handshake she’d made up at lunch today. Despite her being the only one who knew it completely, Bryan kept up admirably.  
  
By the time they were done, they were back at the waiting room, and Bryan commandeered a couch with a table in front of it. Shania spread her homework out, wishing David was present for math and spelling.  
  
Bryan began quizzing her, and she lost herself in the questions.

~ * ~


	8. Chapter Eight

~ * ~

 

David woke up slowly, feeling seeping through his body the longer he laid still. He managed to open his eyes after a few minutes, blinking at the sudden light and the pain it brought. The edges of things were bright, but the objects were fuzzy.  
  
He reached out a hand, searching for his glasses before he remembered he was in a hospital bed, and they probably were still on his nightstand. He sighed, whether in frustration or acceptance, he couldn’t tell.  
  
“I know how you feel,” a small voice spoke, startling him enough to sit up. Shania was sitting by his bed, doodling on her iPad. “The others are getting food. Well, everyone except my mom. She’s in the bathroom.”  
  
“What?” he gasped. He looked towards the closed bathroom door, hearing the toilet flush. Quickly, he looked back at Shania.  
  
“Rocky made Bryan go get something to eat. Oh, and he’s feeling really guilty for how you are right now. So, it would be much appreciated if you’d get him to stop.”  
  
“How I am?” David stared at her, his confusion making a headache very known. “You mean the surgery?” At Shania’s nod, he dropped back to the bed, relieved that the bathroom door opened and Goldie stepped into his vision.  
  
“Shania, are you bothering David? You know he needs to rest.”  
  
“She’s not bothering me,” he said, accepting her hand against his forehead, not realizing how warm he still felt until her fingers, icy and perfect, flattened against his skin. “Guess I’m still sick.”  
  
“Ruptured colons do that to you,” Shania said without looking up from her iPad. David turned to her, and then just as quickly, looked back at Goldie, who shrugged.  
  
“She researched your condition when Bryan finally told us.” She drew back her hand before smiling. “We’re here for you.”  
  
“How long have I been here?”  
  
Goldie shrugged again, her smile faltering as she bit her lip in thought.  
  
“We’re not supposed to tell you,” Shania answered instead, this time looking up and pinning him with a gaze he couldn’t decipher. “The doctor said it would skew his baseline.”  
  
“So where’s the doctor?” David sighed, feeling the air moving through his chest. He indicated to Goldie that he wanted to sit up again.  
  
She had just gotten the head raised enough that he could survey the entire room when the door opened and Bryan and Rocky, carrying several cartons of take-out, entered.  
  
“David,” Bryan said, setting his share of the cartons down and running to the bed. He pressed a quick kiss to David’s lips, and pulled back slightly so he could look him over.  
  
“Hi,” David said, mouth turning down as he smiled. He wrapped his arms around Bryan, hugging him tightly. Behind him, Rocky began passing out the food, and David asked if any was for him.  
  
“Sorry,” Bryan said, “but Amir told us you have to be on a special diet for at least seventy-two hours after your surgery.” Shania sent a withering glare at him, but Bryan ignored her. “He said you reacted to the anesthesia, too.”  
  
David nodded. “It’s in my file. They shouldn’t have given me anything.”  
  
“Can I write a report on you?” Shania interrupted. “Our teachers wanted us to find someone allergic to something unusual and interview them.”  
  
“Actually,” David said, stopping to breathe deeply when he felt his stomach flip over the smell of Goldie’s lasagna, “a lot of people are allergic to anesthetics. Often, anesthesia is rendered ineffective by the body.” He stopped at her face, realizing he was the one making her look sad. “Fine,” he said, trying to infuse his voice with enthusiasm. “Yes, you can interview me about my allergy.”  
  
“Yes!” She actually fist-pumped the air, turning back to her iPad and pulling up a keyboard function.  
  
David got another whiff of food, and his stomach lurched again. “Okay, you mind taking all that out of here?” he said, pointing at the cartoons. “It’s not sitting well with me.”  
  
“Meanie,” Rocky mumbled under her breath, but Bryan pinned her with a sharp glare.  
  
“Thank you, Rocky. I will see you when I can afford to come into work. Please let Daniel and Jasmine know they have the reins until I can.”  
  
Rocky apologized but still left, and David felt a little better when Goldie made Shania leave with her. Bryan didn’t go with them, instead returning to David and settling on the side of the bed.  
  
“Sorry,” Bryan and David said at the same time, and Bryan indicated that he should explain first.  
  
“The smell was getting to me. I’d like them to stay as long as they want, but I don’t want to throw up. Again.”  
  
“And I’m sorry Rocky called you meanie, and for putting you in the hospital.”  
  
“Hey, now. Didn’t anyone explain to you?” David could vaguely recall saying something about his pre-med years, but he couldn’t recall when exactly he’d said it.  
  
“Yes,” Bryan looked angry, and he drew away from David. “Amir told me about your cancer.” He rubbed at his eyes, and David realized he was crying. “Why didn’t  _you_  tell me?”  
  
“I don’t know,” David said, and his stomach shifted again, but it wasn’t nausea. “I haven’t told my parents either.”  
  
“That’s no consolation.”  
  
“No, it isn’t. It’s not supposed to be.” He grabbed Bryan’s hand, pulling it close to him so he could…hold it. Bryan jerked free.  
  
“I almost killed you,” he said, and his voice was tight with tears and anger, and yes, David deserved that. “Don’t you get it? You almost died twice. Because of me.”  
  
“No,” David said, grabbing his hand again and holding it tighter this time. “I almost died because of me. I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to treat me like I would break.”  
  
“But you did break,” Bryan pointed out.  
  
“Would you have let me bottom ever, if you’d known?”  
  
“Known that you were weaker there, that I could rip your body like it’s tissue paper? No, never.”  
  
“And that’s exactly what I didn’t want. It was my choice, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t realize it was unsafe. I’ve been tested every year, and the doctor always says I’m okay, that I can do something like what we did.”  
  
“We should sue for malpractice.”  
  
David watched Bryan’s face for a clue, to see if that was a joke, if he could kiss his fiancé, but Bryan’s face was closed off, his eyes dark and hooded.  
  
“I love you,” he tried, wincing when Bryan wrenched away from him.  
  
“I need some time,” Bryan said, collecting a coat from a chair next to the bed and heading for the door. “If they’re done eating, I’ll see if Shania or Goldie wants to stay with you.”  
  
“Bry.” David felt his own tears coming, and he struggled to climb off the bed, dragging his IV pole with him as he chased after Bryan. “Bry, please wait.”  
  
The heart monitor leads came off, and the machine began beeping frantically before registering a sustained tone. And still Bryan didn’t stop.  
  
So, David reattached the leads and crawled back into bed. He curled on his side, cradling his head in the arm without the IV, letting his tears fall and his sobs shake his body.  
  
He couldn’t imagine not having Bryan anymore. Didn’t want to even try.

~ * ~


	9. Chapter Nine

~ * ~

 

Bryan sneaked a cigarette. Well, not exactly sneaked. He’d walked up to the smoking nurses and demanded one with a light, please.  
  
He’d given up smoking for David when he realized David was asthmatic and would either cough or become breathless near him. God, the nicotine made his head spin, and he coughed on his first good puff.  
  
“It’s not a good habit to pick up,” the nurse who given him the cigarette said, checking her watch. She glared at the face and dropped her butt on the ground, stepping on it maliciously.  
  
“I had quit,” he said, wondering if, without David, he would go back to half a pack a day, more stressed and definitely fatter than the toaster had made him feel. “I won’t start again. I just needed something, and I don’t know what it is yet.”  
  
“Smoking isn’t it, huh?” She smiled, but he could see something bitter in her eyes. “Maybe love, huh? I gotta go, my break’s over.” She retreated to the hospital again, but not before tucking an extra cigarette in his pocket.  
  
“Love,” Bryan repeated, tasting the syllable on his tongue, imagined it encompassing David and himself and all they did for each other and to each other. And, then he said, “Hate.” He shook his head, smiled, and handed the spare cig to another person. “Definitely love.”  
  
He ran into Goldie in the waiting room. She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the smoky smell of him, so he kept his distance. “How’s David?”  
  
“Should have thought of that before you ran away from him,” she retorted. “Look, I can’t find Shania. Have you seen her?”  
  
“No,” he said, frowning as he thought of all the places she liked to go. “Maybe she found Amir again. She’s not with David either?”  
  
“The nurses sedated David. No one’s allowed in with him. And Amir’s off, he went home about the time you kicked Rocky out.”  
  
He searched the waiting room quickly, even risking peeking into the ladies’ restroom. “She can’t have disappeared into nowhere.”  
  
“I didn’t,” Shania said, suddenly. She was standing on a chair where she most definitely hadn’t been before, her iPad held high, a picture of David curled and crying on the screen. “You broke his heart. Now you have to ask his forgiveness. But, he’s probably going to want to apologize to you before you even open your mouth. If I were you, I’d go now, sit by his bedside, and wait for him to wake up.”  
  
“Smart girl,” Bryan said, and he lifted her down. He took her iPad and stared at the picture. “Did they really sedate him?” Shania nodded and took the device back. She scrolled through some more pictures until she came to a doodle.  
  
“I took the liberty of writing down the things he said just before the sedative took effect.” She showed him the scribbles, and his heart flipped at the sight of all the sorrys, I love yous, and please come backs.  
  
“Do I still smell?” he asked Shania, and she nodded.  
  
“But, it has faded enough that there should be no problem.”  
  
“You are in trouble, young lady. It was really nice what you did for David and Bryan, but you need to stop running away from me.” Goldie grabbed Shania’s arm so she couldn’t run away again.  
  
Bryan left them discussing the finer points of Shania’s grounding. He tried to compose himself on the elevator ride up, but he felt more nervous than when he’d asked David to first move in with him. His hands were sweaty and he knew he was shaking.  
  
At least David was still asleep when he entered the room. He picked up a chair and set it down by the bed, settling in to watch David breathe. Carefully, he picked up his hand and wrapped his fingers around it.  
  
David stirred, shifting to turn towards Bryan. His eyes didn’t open, but he smiled in his sleep.  
Love, Bryan thought again, was amazing and painful and  _his_. He pressed a kiss to David’s hand. Now to wait.

~ * ~

  
The room was on fire, or at least, it looked like it, David thought as he woke up, jerking slightly as he was pulled back to consciousness by something tugging on his hand.  
  
He blinked, drawing the room into clarity and sitting up. The room was filled with early morning light, and that was the only fire he could find. He raised his hand to wipe at his eyes and found Bryan was holding his hand, asleep in the chair next to his bed. The angle his head was leaning back would lead to a terrible crick, but he seemed peaceful enough, and, selfish that it was, David was glad he was back.  
  
“Here,” a nurse said, pushing the detachable tray over his bed and transferring a tray from a cart. “Breakfast.”  
  
‘Breakfast’ was a watery broth flavored with nothing. Irritants were disallowed. Still, it was better than nothing, and if David had to judge the last time he’d eaten by the way his stomach twisted into itself, gnawing and growling as he spooned some of it in, he’d have to say the samosas before this ordeal.  
  
“Samosas?” Bryan murmured, head snapping forward with an audible crack. Oops, must have said that out loud. “Doctors said no spicy foods.”  
  
“Your samosas aren’t spicy,” David replied, forcing another mouthful of broth down. “I think I’d even take a cheeseburger right now.”  
  
“And a cheeseburger is something you can’t have,” Amir said. David glanced at him, waiting until he stepped into the room to try one last bite of ‘breakfast.’  
  
“Hey, Amir,” Bryan greeted, but his smile was weak, and the laugh he forced out was even weaker. Amir glared at him briefly before turning all his attention on David.  
  
“We’ll keep you overnight one more night, but as long as you get plenty of bed rest,” here he shot Bryan another glare, “you should be able to go home tomorrow.”  
  
“Wonderful,” Bryan said, and his smile was more real this time. “Feeding schedules?”  
  
“Will be provided, along with a full list of all care you should be aware of.”  
  
“Why are you mad at him?” David asked. He looked between the two, trying to ascertain exactly why his friend no longer liked his fiancé. Amir ignored him, or more precisely, ignored his words. Instead, he pulled his stethoscope from around his neck.  
  
“Lean forward and breathe deeply,” he instructed, like David didn’t know that’s what he was supposed to do. The back of his gown was opened and the cold chest piece touched his skin. He shivered, but obediently drew as much air into his lungs as he could. He held it for a few beats before releasing it.  
  
“Amir,” he said. “Why are you mad at Bryan?”  
  
“Breathe in again,” Amir said.  
  
“He’s mad because they sedated you after I walked out yesterday.”  
  
“Oh,” David said. He remembered one of the nurses injecting something into his IV line, but he’d fallen asleep before he could decide if he should worry about it or not. “Well, I’m not allergic to those anesthetics.”  
  
“He abandoned you.”  
  
“I lied to him; he had every right to walk away.”  
  
Amir shook his head, and David resigned himself to making his friends accept his life partner again. “Fine,” Amir said finally, sending yet another glare at Bryan. “He’s here now, and he claims he won’t leave you again.”  
  
“I believe him,” David said, holding up their still-joined hands as proof. Bryan kissed his knuckles.  
  
Amir nodded and the animosity finally faded from his face. He also left the room. As soon as the door shut, David scooted over, patting the space beside him with his free hand. Bryan crawled into the bed, changing his hand from his left to his right and using his freed hand to brush some hair off David’s forehead.  
  
“I love you so much,” Bryan whispered. “I hope you know that.”  
  
“I do,” David said, mouth twisting into a smile and he leaned a little closer to Bryan so they could press their lips together. “I missed you when you left.”  
  
“I know. I promise it won’t happen again.”  
  
“I think it’s good for us to have disagreements.”  
  
Bryan smiled too, “Just not when we really need each other. Deal?”  
  
David kissed him again as an answer. “You ate my ring,” he said softly, head on Bryan’s chest—one of the things he liked best about being shorter than Bryan was he fit perfectly underneath Bryan’s chin if he laid on him. “I think I should get you another.”  
  
“I didn’t eat it, silly,” Bryan laughed, vibrating David. “I put it in a drawer until I could get it dipped in silver.”  
  
“Shut up,” David laughed too. “I’ll buy you a real ring.”  
  
“I’ll get you one too,” Bryan promised. “As long as I get to propose to you this time.”  
  
“Okay.” David chewed his lip for a little while. “As soon as I’m cleared, do you want to—” he coughed, not sure he could ask what he wanted, even with an empty room. “Um, I mean, sort of…”  
  
“We’ll see,” Bryan said, and that was all either of them could promise. So, David kissed Bryan one more time, and settled to sleep with his ear pressed over Bryan’s heart, listening to the heartbeat as he drifted off, the steady thump-thump slowing to match his own.

~ * ~


	10. Epilogue

~ * ~

 

Shania was painting with actual paints and paper, and Goldie watched her slap blue and green over red smears. Bryan was sitting on the couch, cup of tea in his hand, a script in the other. And David? David was curled against Bryan’s side, head tucked onto his shoulder.  
  
They seemed to be okay, Goldie reflected, but every so often, she found herself glancing at the couple on the couch, waiting to be reprimanded.  
  
“Goldie,” Bryan finally said, looking up from his script. “David’s asleep. Think you can get a blanket for me?”  
  
Goldie opened a closet, grabbing the first blanket, a striped blue and pink afghan with tassels. It was really soft, and Bryan smiled when she covered David with it.  
  
“I’m done,” Shania announced, turning her easel to show streaks of color that Goldie couldn’t decipher.  
  
“It looks lovely,” she said, smiling wide to show her approval, but Shania still looked sad.  
  
“Pull it back a little,” Bryan advised. “I don’t think she quite sees it as a whole yet.”  
  
Shania pulled the easel back until she was against the wall. At the loud scraping sound of the feet on the floor, David startled awake, blinking frantically as he looked around for the source of the sound. “Oh,” he said, finally locating Shania. “Oh, that’s perfect.”  
  
Bryan smiled down at him, kissing his forehead, and Goldie realized that Shania had painted them—Bryan and David—as they were before she woke David up. Of course, it was in streaks, and to an untrained eye, just a mess, but the form was there, and both Bryan and David seemed to like it a lot.  
  
“Thank you, Shania,” Bryan said. “You have unlimited talents.”  
  
“It really is beautiful,” Goldie said, holding her arms out for a hug. Shania smiled, returning the gesture. Then she bounced to the couch where she wriggled in between Bryan and David.  
  
“Family,” Bryan said, wrapping an arm around Shania and using the hand to grip David’s shoulder. They shared a kiss over Shania’s head, and Goldie realized she wanted that for herself too. Someone to have trials with, to love unconditionally and share moments, both good and bad. Maybe someday.  
  
David waved at Goldie, inviting her to sit with them. When she sat, he transferred Shania to between them, scooting close to Bryan and laying his head on his shoulder again.  
  
“Family,” he said, eyes closing and breathing evening out again, as Bryan tucked the blanket around him more securely.  
  
“Family,” Shania said, snuggling into Goldie’s side.  
  
“Family,” Goldie agreed. “Family is family.”  
  
“And love is love,” Bryan said. “You said that.”  
  
“I did,” Goldie said, “and I’m glad I did.”  
  
“Shh,” Shania said, finger against her lips, “David’s asleep and he really needs to sleep.”  
  
Goldie and Bryan laughed, and they all settled down.

**~ The End ~**


End file.
